My favorite part is watching her order her Latte.  “…and can I please have it in one of your large, white mugs.  Thank you.”  Always the same order, always the request for the big mug.  The girl behind the counter knowingly smiles and indulges Camilla.  She knows us by now, not because we’re there every day, but because it’s Sunday.  It’s our Coffee Break.

Camilla carries her steaming white mug over to our “spot”.  The coveted over-stuffed chairs in the corner round-out this ritual.  The chairs themselves are such a part of her experience that I catch her peering through the Starbuck’s window front as we drive-up, checking their availability.  She settles in and smiles at me, knowing that she has my undivided attention for the next two hours.

Two hours.  If you  had told me a year ago that I would, from now on, be scheduling two hours every Sunday for a Starbucks run with my wife, I would have told you that you were delusional.  Two hours?  Do you know what I could do in two hours?  Do you know what you can accomplish in two hours?  A two hour coffee break?  Unlikely.

It hit me while I was speaking at a leadership conference in Washington, DC.  I was having a surreal, out of body experience, actually – which is awkward when you are on a stage speaking to 600 people.  Ironically, I remember having this three-way conversation in my head as I was speaking on “Presence”.  The “Big Thought” in my message to this group of doctors was for them to learn how to leverage their time with their staff by having scheduled, focused face-time.  This time was to be honored and protected at all costs; and never to be canceled or re-scheduled.  When your team knows that you have allotted time for interface and value that time, and therefore them, they can relax and not occupy themselves vying for your attention all the time.  If they know that they’ll have that time –and you’ll be present – it changes all of the other time.

What struck me about this truth was that it was the solution for the same challenge that I also was experiencing – just in a different venue – at home.  We are all subject to the pulls of this world.  The combination of a busy office, a busy house and a busy life was compressing time in every category.  The symptoms of this compression are wide and varied, but the most acute signs were related to connection.   Even two people in love need time for exchange.

As a general rule, we all have limited resources in regards to our time, money, energy and focus.  How we spend these resources is the truest window into what we value.  Time has become the most valued currency.  If you want to show someone how much you care, give them your time.

Our behavior patterns predict our outcomes. There are some high-leverage, vital behaviors that lead directly to our desired outcomes.  Behaviors are chosen.  I’ll suggest that we should all identify exactly what life we would like to create, what behaviors create that life, and get committed to them.

The “Coffee Break” has earned a permanent spot in my day-timer.  The two hour window and twenty bucks for babysitting are some of the best investments of my week.  My wife and I are more relaxed in all of our communications throughout the week.  Barring any urgencies, we talk about the funny things that I missed that day with the kids.  I can’t overemphasize the impact that these Coffee Breaks have had on our everyday life.   The spill-over effect of this time is invaluable. 

If someone were to audit my schedule and tell me that my time demands were too much now to allow for a two-hour coffee break, I would tell them that they were delusional.   

As I sink deeper into this comfortable chair and enjoy my dark roast, I listen to Camilla weave through her thoughts, concerns and experiences of the past week.  My role here is clear: listener.  And as stories of life’s curve-balls and challenges often populate this two hour exchange, there’s something to be said for the calming effect of the warmth of that big, white mug in her hands.

Now go take a break,

Dr. Stephen Franson