As things move forward, man recedes.

I fear that the new renaissance age of digital communication had created a new dark age in commitment and personal integrity.

This post is the first in a series of three discussing my observations around cell phone use and its impact on interpersonal communication and relationships. I am a big fan of the ready and easy communication afforded by my mobile. I admit that I have made the steady climb up the ladder of telecommunication offerings from a standard phone, to a Blackberry and now an iPhone. I catch myself fingering the heat sensitive screen to check my email more often than I thought I would. Heck, I even “text-message” regularly now. So please, do not dismiss my concerns as the irrelevant rantings of a technophobe. I love my cell phone.

The problem is the way that we use them. I can’t believe that I’m using this analogy, but, like the old saying goes, “Guns do not kill people; people kill people.” Cellular technology in itself is not evil, but if we’re not careful, it could promote the death of personal integrity.

I know that this commentary may seem uncharacteristically dark or overly dramatic, but I’ll suggest that there is a new communication dynamic that threatens to erode the very foundation of relationships – reliability.

In years past when plans were made, dates were set, times were agreed up on and destinations were decided. You would consider “the plan” an agreement between two or more people and the expectation was that there would be follow-through. Typically, the experience would match the plan; everyone who was physically able would show –up, on time, at the place to do what everyone had agreed to do. It was nice. You would spend more time enjoying what you were doing than planning what to do instead.

Plans today have morphed into mere plastic suggestions as to what might happen if nothing else at all comes up between now and then.

We are now a microsecond away from altering an entire day with one phone call. We can change times, destinations, even participants, with an instant message. We can even cancel our plans entirely with a 140 character text message. This drives me crazy.

People often rely on voice mail to dilute the sting of accountability to a commitment. “Sorry, something just came up.” No face to face apology. No visual feedback. No sense of disappointment. If 93% of communication is unspoken, what are we actually saying with all of this digital exchange?

With every human quirk comes the opportunity to be extraordinary. Be mindful of your commitments – when you make them and how you keep them. Do not fall into the cyber-trap of making temporary plans with the intention of changing them as you go. This is a slippery slope. Create a reputation for making commitments and sticking to them. Be exceptional here. By no means does this imply being rigid and inflexible. Flexibility is a critical character trait. The key is to be flexible when flexibility strengthens a situation.

Stand out in the crowd as the person who says that they’ll be there, at this time, to do that…and actually do it. Let your Yes be Yes.

Now go do that thing.

In health,

Dr. Stephen Franson